The loss of a pet is one of the hardest life experiences. Dirk was like the ambassador for cats. Practically bomb proof, and filled with so much patience, you couldn’t help but love this cat. If he finds a comfortable spot to lay down, he will not move! No matter how many times you trip over him. Kids would lay on him, and pull his tail, but he would just be chill and not react in a violent way. He was so laid back that cat haters would quickly became cat lovers.
This is just the type of cat he was. If you pet him with your foot he would just lay on it and purr. If you are laying on the ground, he is going to come up and lay next to you. Grieving for the loss of a pet is so hard and even harder with kids.
Loss of a Pet
I have dealt with this many times in the past. However, my children have not. The lost there Grandfather too early in there live to fully understand the loss. This was going to be hard.
Last weekend, the 28th of July, Dirk our American short hair had to be put down. Urinary tract infection that caused a lot of irreversible damage to his liver and kidneys. After doing a blockage removal surgery the vet said that he wasn’t going to pull through. I had to make the decision that caused so much heartache in this house. This was very heartbreaking, especially for the kids, because Dirk and Patches would always sleep with them.
Like clockwork at around 7pm, Dirk and Patches would start wrestling, running up and down the stairs. I will miss this the most along with just hanging out with a chill cat. Dirk was more dog than a cat. He had a favorite green fluffy ball he would fetch and bring it back. We couldn’t go to the bathroom without him showing up. God forbid if he saw the bottom of the food dish, he would let us know. Loudly!
The loss of a pet is never an easy thing to go through. For Gabe and Lily this is the first death that they have really gone through. The grieving process is difficult to go through much less to teach the children. This has been very challenging for Mary and I because of their reactions and questions.
Mourning the loss of a pet
I found the Pet Loss Support Page online, which includes “Ten Tips on Coping with Pet Loss” from Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed. I’ve excerpted the first five below.
1. Am I crazy to hurt so much?
Intense grief over the loss of a pet is normal and natural. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s silly, crazy, or overly sentimental to grieve!
During the years you spent with your pet (even if they were few), it became a significant and constant part of your life. It was a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional love and acceptance, of fun and joy. So don’t be surprised if you feel devastated by the loss of such a relationship.
People who don’t understand the pet/owner bond may not understand your pain. All that matters, however, is how you feel. Don’t let others dictate your feelings: They are valid, and may be extremely painful. But remember, you are not alone: Thousands of pet owners have gone through the same feelings.
2. What Can I Expect to Feel?
Different people experience grief in different ways. Besides your sorrow and loss, you may also experience the following emotions:
- Guilt may occur if you feel responsible for your pet’s death-the “if only I had been more careful” syndrome. It is pointless and often erroneous to burden yourself with guilt for the accident or illness that claimed your pet’s life, and only makes it more difficult to resolve your grief.
- Denial makes it difficult to accept that your pet is really gone. It’s hard to imagine that your pet won’t greet you when you come home, or that it doesn’t need its evening meal. Some pet owners carry this to extremes, and fear their pet is still alive and suffering somewhere. Others find it hard to get a new pet for fear of being “disloyal” to the old.
- Anger may be directed at the illness that killed your pet, the driver of the speeding car, the veterinarian who “failed” to save its life. Sometimes it is justified, but when carried to extremes, it distracts you from the important task of resolving your grief.
- Depression is a natural consequence of grief, but can leave you powerless to cope with your feelings. Extreme depression robs you of motivation and energy, causing you to dwell upon your sorrow.
3. What can I do about my feelings?
The most important step you can take is to be honest about your feelings. Don’t deny your pain, or your feelings of anger and guilt. Only by examining and coming to terms with your feelings can you begin to work through them.
You have a right to feel pain and grief! Someone you loved has died, and you feel alone and bereaved. You have a right to feel anger and guilt, as well. Acknowledge your feelings first, then ask yourself whether the circumstances actually justify them.
Locking away grief doesn’t make it go away. Express it. Cry, scream, pound the floor, talk it out. Do what helps you the most. Don’t try to avoid grief by not thinking about your pet; instead, reminisce about the good times. This will help you understand what your pet’s loss actually means to you.
Some find it helpful to express their feelings and memories in poems, stories, or letters to the pet. Other strategies including rearranging your schedule to fill in the times you would have spent with your pet; preparing a memorial such as a photo collage; and talking to others about your loss.
4. Who can I talk to?
If your family or friends love pets, they’ll understand what you’re going through. Don’t hide your feelings in a misguided effort to appear strong and calm! Working through your feelings with another person is one of the best ways to put them in perspective and find ways to handle them. Find someone you can talk to about how much the pet meant to you and how much you miss it-someone you feel comfortable crying and grieving with.
If you don’t have family or friends who understand, or if you need more help, ask your veterinarian or humane association to recommend a pet loss counselor or support group. Check with your church or hospital for grief counseling. Remember, your grief is genuine and deserving of support.
5. When is the right time to euthanize a pet?
Your veterinarian is the best judge of your pet’s physical condition; however, you are the best judge of the quality of your pet’s daily life. If a pet has a good appetite, responds to attention, seeks its owner’s company, and participates in play or family life, many owners feel that this is not the time. However, if a pet is in constant pain, undergoing difficult and stressful treatments that aren’t helping greatly, unresponsive to affection, unaware of its surroundings, and uninterested in life, a caring pet owner will probably choose to end the beloved companion’s suffering.
Evaluate your pet’s health honestly and unselfishly with your veterinarian. Prolonging a pet’s suffering in order to prevent your own ultimately helps neither of you. Nothing can make this decision an easy or painless one, but it is truly the final act of love that you can make for your pet.
8. What should I tell my children?
You are the best judge of how much information your children can handle about death and the loss of their pet. Don’t underestimate them, however. You may find that, by being honest with them about your pet’s loss, you may be able to address some fears and misperceptions they have about death.
Honesty is important. If you say the pet was “put to sleep,” make sure your children understand the difference between death and ordinary sleep. Never say the pet “went away,” or your child may wonder what he or she did to make it leave, and wait in anguish for its return. That also makes it harder for a child to accept a new pet. Make it clear that the pet will not come back, but that it is happy and free of pain.
Never assume a child is too young or too old to grieve. Never criticize a child for tears, or tell them to “be strong” or not to feel sad. Be honest about your own sorrow; don’t try to hide it, or children may feel required to hide their grief as well. Discuss the issue with the entire family, and give everyone a chance to work through their grief at their own pace.
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Remembering:
Traveling with Cats
Mary picked up Dirk and Ceaser around March, 2013 from a posting on a site in Killeen Tx. In the beginning, we thought that Dirk was a girl cat, and named her Cleo for Cleopatra. We did take them to a vet, so we were very surprised when we found out the truth! Then at the end of 2013, we moved to Washington, flying 2 cats, 2 kids (3 and 2), and Mary’s mom 7 hours. Mary is Superwoman (I was already in WA working)
We owned over an acre of land in Port Orchard, Wa. The cats and I would go to the backyard where they would follow me. Only when I would say “go hunt” would they run off into the woods. They would bring back moles, squirrels, birds, etc. We would just sit outside enjoying nature.
When Cleo became Dirk
They were out on an excursion one day and got into a fight with this big Tom cat. “Cleo’s” brother never came home. The Tom was never seen again, and “Cleo” had a huge puncture in his shoulder. We were gearing up for a huge transition, moving from Wa to Seoul, South Korea. We had to get “Cleo” spayed. Imagine our surprise when the vet said “you mean neuter?”. Wow, now we had to rename the cat.
At this time, I was commuting from Port Orchard Wa, to Seattle Wa, which is a 1hr commute via ferry one way on a good day. During this time, I was listening to a lot of audiobooks and Clive Cussler’s Dirk Pitt novels were up front in my mind, so Cleo became Dirk.
After the surgery, Dirk became an indoor cat, and with the loss of his brother, we got a calico cat whom we named Patches for companionship. Making Dirk an indoor cat has always upset me and I would try and find ways for him to go outside.
Move to South Korea
In 2015, we moved to South Korea, flying 2 cats, 2 kids (5 and 4) and Mary’s mom 11 hours. Mary is Superwoman (I was already in Korea working). Mary does it all, love you dear! So, in Korea after TONs of paperwork for the cats and having to pass up on apartments with a no pet policy.
We moved into Hannam Tower and the cats were 100% indoor cats :(. During our time here, we moved 2 more times, and the cats went with us. In 2018 I was offered a position in Pa so we moved again. Flying 2 cats, 2 kids (9 and 8) and Mary’s mom 23 hours (I was there this time to help).
Once we settled down in our new location, I would take Dirk outside on a leash. The kids would do the same, and though not free, free like the old days, at least Dirk got to go outside.
Conclusion
This is a difficult post for me to write and for Mary to proofread. Grieving for the loss of a pet is an important part of life. Dirk had been a part of this family for 7 years, 3 states, and 2 countries. That really sticks with you. I admit I am all up in my feels writing this and remembering. We will miss you Dirk.
Thanks for stopping by Surviving Adventures!
👋
David M.
