New mommies, I totally understand that you just had a new baby and you are a bit overwhelmed with all the information out there about safety, and things you should or shouldn’t do with your child. I understand that you have long sleepless nights, frustrations from being exhausted, and just the stress of wondering if you are doing this parenting thing right or not. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Am I feeding my baby when they are hungry?
- Am I dressing my child appropriately?
- Am I being careful not to hurt my child by handling him/her the right way.
- Am I giving my baby lots of love and affection?
If your answer to these questions is yes, then you are doing great! Now that we have verified that you have taken care of your baby’s needs, how about yours? How are you taking care of yourself? What are you doing to help reduce your stress? Where are you turning to get information, besides google or a book for help? If you say no one and you have holed yourself up at home, having your spouse as the only source for adult interaction then you need to stop. Mom you NEED to make some connections and get some playdates going! Here are 5 reasons why:
- For your sanity.
You can go indefinitely without talking to another adult and you might be fine because you are used to it, but eventually, you will need SOME type of interaction with another adult. Trust me, been there done that. While my kids who are now 9 & 10 years old were babies and toddlers, I started going bonkers stuck in the house listening to Disney’s Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, or Dora The Explorer, etc. I tried to play instructional things for them to learn like Classical Conversations which was great…up to a point. We lived in Killeen, Texas for most of this time and it was just always too hot to ever do anything. I would take them to pools, and kid’s classes, and the park but it was just awkward. Why? Because if somehow, I was approached by another parent and asked a question I always drew a blank.
I had no clue about the latest gossips (didn’t really care either), the latest events, new places to go, or things to do. I got nothing. The only thing I had was cartoons and their schedules, baby necessities, and the fastest route to Walmart or H.E.B. That was it. Instead of going out there and trying to make connections though, I did the complete opposite and stayed at home with the kids and just tried to do more things with them at home.
For my sanity, I just took relaxing baths and read a book at night after they went to sleep. I knew I should have gone out and tried to get to know other people because I really needed that interaction, but I just didn’t feel like I could make friends. That we wouldn’t have anything in common. Ultimately, what made me go out and make playdates was my son.
2. Kids need Socialization
I started making playdates with anyone I could meet at a park, pool, indoor play areas, and even meetup groups because I realized that my kids needed social interaction with others their age. I thought that I was giving them enough attention, exercise, and activities at home. My mother and I would take the kids for 1-2-hour daily walks when it started to cool down which was around 6-7 p.m. We took them to the indoor inflatable park by our house 3-4 times a week and enrolled them in a swimming lesson, etc. My son was about 1 when he started trying to walk, but when he fell and hurt himself, he didn’t try again until he was about 15 months old. This was because we were at the inflatable play area and he just sat and observed other kids running and he wanted to do that too.
Later (about a week or so) when he could walk, and we continued to go to these areas with him and his sister, I kept noticing him sit down in a corner or to the side and just watch other kids play. It broke my heart to realize that my son wanted to play with the other kids, but he just DIDN’T KNOW HOW.
I thought I was being a good parent taking him to these play areas for social interaction, and exercise but I failed to teach him HOW TO interact with others. More often than not, when we went to these places, there were rarely very many kids because most were in school. We didn’t go here when there were more kids because I was being selfish and put my need of staying away from crowds above their needs.
I enrolled them in a daycare thinking that this might be a good idea so that they could socialize as well as learn some new things. In our case, this was a mistake. I kept going by to check on them to see how they were doing and just did not like how the kids couldn’t do anything. I don’t think they lasted a week here. So, I enrolled them into a Montessori School thinking this would be better. Wrong!!!! Despite how expensive this place was, I pulled them out of there pretty fast. Did they stay maybe a month if that? This place turned out to be even worse than the daycare. Mom and I would randomly stop by and sit and observe through the visitor window and we saw a couple of things that we really did not like!!
In the end we enrolled them into a private Christian School and they loved it!
3. For your health.
I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time trying to exercise at home. For me, it is a mental thing. I NEED to get away from my house to exercise. Depending on the area that you are in and the weather, there are plenty of mommy and baby/kid meetup groups for fitness. I really liked these and so did my kids, because everyone had someone to talk to, or in their case play with. The best part mom is that you don’t have to make all playdates for your baby, you can have a meetup with someone who wants to get into shape and just needs a partner to motivate them. The local gym we had was a brand-new facility with a great daycare center for my kids so that I could focus on ME for a little bit.
If you don’t like working out at the gym you can look up other areas that interest you and easily find those with similar interests. Go out and try it at Meetup.com
4. To Learn new things and share your insights with others.
As a new parent, I remember feeling overwhelmed and upset after I had my first child. I remember my surprise the first few times I changed my son’s diaper after he peed and learned that you need to block as soon as you opened his diaper! I called my mother-in-law and asked if this was normal! Lol, she said,” Honey he is a boy, that’s normal.” But he’s just a baby! I had exclaimed to which she responded with “Surprise!!!”
I also remember crying and being unable to sleep because my nipples were so swollen and sore, but my son seemed to ALWAYS be hungry. I called my midwife late at night and my mother-in-law asking them what I was doing wrong and why my son was still so hungry? Their answer. “He isn’t hungry, he is just using you as a pacifier. Stop nursing and give him a pacifier until he doesn’t want it anymore.”
Tidbits of information like this are great and things I wish I knew right away, but I didn’t. There are so many books out there about becoming a mom as well as how to parent your child, but I was one of those people that didn’t think I needed to read those books. Not to mention I found them boring, to be honest. I SHOULD HAVE read at least one of them. I highly recommend you do so.
If you make playdates with other parents who have children in the same age group as yours, you can share some of your experiences and gain some great insight from those who have been there and done that. Some of them could even give you some tips for the future if they have older kids there! These groups can be very invaluable, not just for parenting but possibly even housekeeping, cooking, new hobbies, and maybe even business opportunities!
5. To make new friends.
Making a playdate with anyone is a commitment. You said you would meet with this person and by doing so, you are establishing a relationship with them. It is up to you how much you want to invest in this connection. Does your child enjoy playing with theirs? Does this person give you great tips and tricks in any area of your life? Are they a good conversationalist? Have you learned something new, or want to try something because of their input? Do you enjoy spending time with them? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then you might be well on your way to cultivating a new friend. This is great! Now you have something else to talk about and do besides cartoons.
It is ok to be an introvert, these 5 reasons I have discussed are MY reasons based upon my experiences on why I believe that Introvert mommies need playdates. I have discussed this with other introvert mommies, and the biggest reason they would like to do this (if not already) as well as for the adult conversation.
I hope this was an informative post and that you found it valuable in some way. If you have any topics that you would like me to discuss in the future please let me know.
